Jokes and Funny Stuff.....

[01dragonslayer]

A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

 

[01dragonslayer]

Q: What do computers eat for a snack?
A: Microchips!

 

[01dragonslayer]

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Three ladies were on a bus stop bench. One of the ladies looks at the other and asks her if she is Native American, She says, "Yes, I'm Arapaho." "Is that so?" says the first, "It just happens that I'm a Navajo." The third lady looks at both of them and says, "I'm a Dallas hoe."

 

[01dragonslayer]

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

 

[01dragonslayer]

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while. They're normally around 90 degrees.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Q: What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his bum.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Q: What did the blanket say when it fell of the bed?
A: "Oh sheet!"

 

[01dragonslayer]

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then lefties are the only ones in their right mind.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: One says, "Spit out your gum," and the other says, "Choo choo choo!"

 

[01dragonslayer]

Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: "You're too young to smoke."

 

[01dragonslayer]

Q: What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?
A: The letter "m."

 

[01dragonslayer]

Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log in.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Johnny was at school and the teacher said, "Someone use fascinate in a sentence." Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence." Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo." Once again the teacher said, "No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny said, "My sister has ten buttons on her sweater." Again the teacher said, "Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny replied, "I know, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."